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What do I do about my sexuality?

Updated: Nov 16, 2023

Exploring your sexuality can be difficult and scary. There is no right way to figure it out. Some people need to talk it out and some people need time. A good place to start could be to give it a google. It may sound stupid, but there is loads of knowledge out there that may help to direct your next steps. If you find a label that really resonates with you then you can figure out what that label means. *note: Labels are your choice if you don't want one that's your business*.

Here is an Instagram post about common terms to get you started, click the flag.

These things take time, you need to go at your own pace. When you're figuring things out that doesn't mean that's who you are for the rest of your life. Sometimes we get it wrong, sometimes we change, when this happens if you want a new label that's down to you. As you go through these changes it is normal to have an emotional response to them, it may be that you aren't comfortable with the answers you come up with right away. Carry on exploring, and if you are struggling to cope then you can always reach out to a professional.

To figure out an identity it might be worth reaching out to some older people that you trust, particularly if they have some knowledge of diversity in these identities. You don't have to let them know what you're thinking, someone that you trust should respect that. If you don't have anyone in your life like this then there are online resources like Stonewall or the BeYou project. Another great tool is social media, engage with some content on the identity you are exploring, or use it to engage with other people who are having a similar experience. Remember just because they aren't thinking the same as you doesn't mean that you are wrong in any way. The LGBTQ+ experience is diverse, even when you are talking about one experience.

The next thing is whilst you are figuring it out you don't owe that to anyone. This is an incredibly personal experience and if you don't want to share it you don't have to. Sometimes it can feel that we don't have all the answers that people want, that is part of being a human. Your answers are your own, and if they are different from someone else's that doesn't make them less valid.

Another option is to try things out. It is a classic for a reason, experiment go on dates, see how you feel. The important thing for trying things this way is making sure you feel safe and comfortable. If you want to then it could be an idea to invite someone from your support system to be nearby. Another great way to feel more safe is to share your location, you can share your live location on WhatsApp. To avoid feeling pressure open and honest communication is a great tool, it lets whoever you're on a date with know that you may need patience. This can be done through clear boundaries, let people know what you consent to and ask them the same. These conversations can be challenging sometimes, so my advice is to practice and this is something that a trusted person can help with, especially if they are qualified in a mental health field.

Self exploration doesn't just have to be about your sexuality, there could be other aspects of yourself you want to get to know. Consider whether there are any groups that you want to join any interests you can pursue, any form of self knowledge can help you understand yourself better. This also has the added benefit of being great for your mental health.

Despite all this, this can be a fun journey. So take your time and be kind to yourself.


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