Should I choose an LGBTQ+ counsellor?

As queer people it can be hard to know if a space will be safe. Counselling for people within the LGBTQ+ community can present different challenges to non-LGBTQ+ clients, when choosing a therapist these worries may come into your decision. I know they did for me when I was doing my training. I went for someone who specifically worked with groups that I was a part of.

However, this is a really personal question, the best way to answer this question is to think about why you're asking it. But remember you get to choose, if you decide that it is important to you that is the end of it, it's your decision who to have therapy with.

There are a few main reasons why you might want a queer (LGBTQ+) counsellor.

As I see it the first is that you're thinking about feeling comfortable in the space. Would you feel uncomfortable with a CISHET (Cis-gendered, Heterosexual) counsellor?

Maybe you have a specific bad experience that you don't want to challenge whilst you're in therapy this time. You don't have to. You can choose someone that is going to make you feel at ease right away. For instance, feeling safe from micro-aggressions, knowing your pronouns are going to be respected, and you won't be questioned on your partner's name.

Later down the line you may want to swap to someone who does confront that image that you might hold about CISHET counsellors, but that might get in the way this time. This could probably be a specific bit of therapeutic work if you're trying to overcome a difficult experience with a CISHET counsellor.

The counsellor should be able to make you feel comfortable but if you know that you're going to struggle to open up to someone outside of the community, then it would make sense to go with someone that shares that experience.

Do you specifically want to discuss something queer?

Then what would be best is to look for someone that specialises in either that specific area, e.g., gender dysphoria, diverse relationships etc... Remember just because your counsellor is queer themselves does not mean that they will definitely know what you're talking about inside and out. They should be honest with you about this, but it would always be an idea to ask them in an intro call if you're worried.

There are places that will specifically platform these types of counsellors, e.g., the Pink Therapy Directory. Most directories also allow you to filter results, and have an option for 'LGBT'. However, it may be best to still check in with these individuals as the directories often miss nuance.

Try and find a clear and concise way to ask for what you need comfortably in an intro call. Those calls are for you to find a good fit, and part of that is knowing that you can discuss what you want. A counsellors knowledge of relevant terms can help you figure out if they are clued up on what you want to discuss.

Do you want someone who can relate to your experience?

Sometimes it can feel like work to communicate your experience to someone who hasn't lived it. A good counsellor who is LGBTQ+ informed/literate would be able to walk with you without needing an explanation. Honestly, I chose one of my therapists based on wanting to reduce the amount of time I spent giving background. Sometimes you might not mind and for some experiences you may need to provide context, so we as counsellors don't assume your experience or because it is very specific to you.

Remember we use empathy to relate to you not our past for the most part. It might help us but it isn't our main tool. The queer community is not a monolith either, bare intersectionality in mind, if this is something that you're considering. It may be that queerness is at the top of your list for choosing a therapist, but it may be that you need them to understand other identities too, for the exact same reasons as you need them to understand queer issues.

Are you worried it won't be a safe space?

Therapy needs to affirm you as a person, specifically your identity as a queer person. It can be scary especially if you've had a bad experience to put your trust into a new person and a new therapeutic process.

This is a challenge that any form of discriminated group faces. You would hope that your counsellor would not be letting their personal views colour their therapeutic space. However, sometimes you want to know that they hold an unbiased view of the community. You could find this out through the way they present online for a lot of counsellors. For instance, do they platform LGBTQ+ content, do they advertise for it on their directory? This does not mean that they will necessarily be queer themselves but it can be used to help you make an informed decision.

You can always ask your counsellor outright whether they are a part of a community, but they may choose not to answer the question. As counsellors we are very careful with what parts of our lives we share with clients. Each counsellor will have a different set of rules for whether they disclose different information.

A specific set of characteristics is never going to be as important as finding the right counsellor for you. My advice is to always go with your gut. If you click with someone consider them even if they don't tick all your boxes. That human connection is the most important part of counselling.